


Ricochets of Despair and Passion

by CynicalMistrust



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, He deserves a chance to grow and be happy, I love Ugetsu so much, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-01-24 14:27:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynicalMistrust/pseuds/CynicalMistrust
Summary: Learning to live on his own while at home again… Saying it was a challenge would be an understatement.The sheets still smelled like Akihiko. There was still the slight indentation in the mattress where he’d slept. The few socks and magazines he'd left behind kept popping up when they were least appreciated.Akihiko’s things were gone, but the spaces where they'd been still remained.
Relationships: Murata Ugetsu / Original Male Character, Past Kaji Akihiko/Murata Ugetsu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeyyy, so this is mostly fully written, I have like 3 or 4 chapters to finish, so I'll be posting as I edit. Also, this is the first time I've actually written an OC in a fanfic since like middle school so... I hope you can love him as much as I do <3

Ugetsu wasn't one for lying. (That was a lie.) At least not to himself. (Another lie.) 

He wasn't one to regret things either. (Lie.) 

Letting Akihiko go was for the best. (Mostly true.) 

But it still hurt like a bitch. (Definitely true.) 

Learning to live on his own while at home again… Saying it was a challenge would be an understatement. 

The sheets still smelled like Akihiko. There was still the slight indentation in the mattress where he’d slept. The few socks and magazines he'd left behind kept popping up when they were least appreciated. 

Akihiko’s things were gone, but the spaces where they'd been still remained. 

He'd been prepared for the loneliness (bigger lie); it wasn't so different from the days or weeks when he traveled for concerts and competitions. 

What he hadn't been prepared for was the silence. The lack of freshly brewed coffee waiting when he woke up. The empty fridge. The way the dishes piled up because he'd rarely been the one to wash them. 

After Mafuyu found him having his mini (understatement) meltdown, he'd taken to practicing at the University. It wasn't an excuse to catch glimpses of Akihiko (half-truth), he just needed to get out of the house. Away from the one place that was saturated with Akihiko's presence. But he was happy to see Akihiko practicing the violin when he did catch sight of him. (Truth.) 

Akihiko had talent, but somewhere along the way, his passion to be great with the violin had faded. And Ugetsu knew  _ he'd _ been the reason for that. If Ugetsu hadn't dedicated his life and soul to the violin, Akihiko might have been able to fill the space Ugetsu's absence left in the community. 

Akihiko might have found the spark he needed not just to be great, but to be the best. 

But that was _ his _ mission. His entire reason for existence. And as much as it hurt, knowing he'd taken that dream away from Akihiko, he knew Akihiko would find another path. Had found it already. 

With someone who could give him what he needed and deserved. 

Akihiko might love music, might even find it necessary to live a happy life. 

But for Ugetsu, music was his  _ ikigai _ . His  _ raison d'etre _ . His one and only reason for existence. Music came first, second, and third in his life. It always would. Everything else was not only not in the backseat, but in an entirely different car. 

He ate because it was a necessity. He slept because his body demanded it. He excelled in his classes because society expected it. 

But relationships... Sex… Love… 

Those he could live without. Routinely went without for months or more at a time. 

That didn't mean he didn't yearn for them sometimes. Or wish he could be selfish enough to ask someone to be content with the few spare minutes he had. Or imagine what it would be like to give up his music and live a normal life, on those nights when the yearning was too much to bear. 

Sometimes, very rarely, he hated his life. The burden of dedication. The sacrifices he had to make. 

But he couldn't have it any other way. (Absolute truth.) 


	2. Chapter 2

With the second term also came Ugetsu’s next performance schedule. He’d be playing Bach’s Chaconne from Partita in d minor as the highlight. 

He was just waiting for when he’d be expected to play Paganini’s Caprice No. 4. Not that he particularly minded, but he much preferred Bach and Tchaikovsky. They resonated with him more than the modern classics could ever hope to. 

He stifled a yawn as he set up in an empty music room. The one he preferred was in use, and he suspected Akihiko would be using it by lunch, but he was too tired to start a war over territory. (That was a lie. More like, letting Akihiko have the room with the best acoustics was a peace offering. He couldn’t handle any further altercations with him.)

With a sigh, he set his violin on the table near the piano. He closed his eyes, taking a few breaths to center himself as he warmed up his neck and shoulder muscles. 

He really needed coffee. He still wasn’t sure how he’d managed to burn it, but he knew his coffee machine was like the child who’d sided with Akihiko in the divorce. 

Maybe he should hire a housekeeper or a butler. Or a maid, so he wouldn't be tempted to seduce her. 

He let out a slow, controlled breath, flexing his arms and then fingers as he narrowed his focus to his music. Usually that's all it took, but his thoughts were scattered today. Continuously drifting back to random moments with Akihiko. Sharing meals. Listening to music. Their duets. Their lovemaking. Their breakups. Their fights. 

He set out his score sheets on the stand, arranging them to his liking before pulling out his violin. 

His muscles were still stiff. He’d forgone practice the past two days, too upset and out of sorts to dare risk his violin taking the brunt of his mood. His music sounded fine on a technical level as he went through his skills, but he could tell it was lacking. His focus was still wavering, and even if it was only warm ups, he had a rule that he wouldn’t play anything more until the music resonated within him. 

There’d been more than a few days over the years where he spent countless hours on the basic skills, playing them over and over and over again, because he wasn’t able to connect with the music. 

Those were usually the days following a breakup. Or a fight. And each time, he swore off future attempts at any kind of relationship, but he was only human. He had moments of weakness, especially when it came to a pretty face. 

He would find the connection again. He always did. Rarely did it vanish for more than a day, but finally having a clean break between him and Akihiko was like stepping off a precipice without a lifeline. There was a sick feeling like falling in the pit of his stomach. It'd been building for over a year, and he doubted it would ever completely vanish. 

He played through another set before switching the standard skills for ones he'd made himself, specifically for when he was in these moods. Quick, airy, jig-like chords filled the room for less than a minute before he stopped. He couldn't handle _ lighthearted. _ He skipped the _ tasteful porn  _ and _ yearning _ sets and went straight for the darker _ anguish _ and _ suffering.  _

Those were better, and while he could feel the echo of emotions in the chords, he couldn't draw them out and enhance them. 

Fine. Whatever. He closed his eyes and alternated through the skills and chords. Over and over and over. It was boring as fuck, and sometimes the boredom of repetition was all he needed to break whatever block he had, but that wasn't working today either. 

At this rate, he'd have to cancel his afternoon duet session.   
  


A mind-numbing hour later, he became aware of someone else in the room. He didn't mind, he was used to his music drawing attention, but he would have preferred they see him performing actual music. 

He glanced towards the door, and only the fact he could play the monotonous routines in his sleep saved him from faltering. 

Wild, dark auburn hair and deep green eyes. Tall, lithe body. Pretty face. 

It took a moment of staring before he recognized the man. The last time Ugetsu had seen him in person was almost five years ago, when they'd both been in a junior world competition. 

Auguste Bisset had been fifteen then, and brash enough to approach Ugetsu and say "I'll surpass you," before walking away. With the way he'd evolved over the years, Ugetsu was inclined to believe he would. Someday. Auguste had the talent and the genius, on both violin and piano. Though, like Mafuyu, he hadn't found the proper trigger to really unleash his potential. 

Still, Ugetsu had to admire his audacity. And the fact he'd grown into an attractive adult. 

Ugetsu let the notes fade and lowered his violin. 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," Auguste said, a lilting French accent caressing his words. 

Ugetsu shivered. French wasn't called a love language for no reason. The accent itself was its own music, and Ugetsu was weak against it. "You're not," he replied, harsher than he really intended, but his scattered mood had only soured with his inability to actually play anything. 

Auguste glanced at the piano, starting to take a step forward before stopping. "It's just… That is the only piano not currently in use." 

Ugetsu glanced at the piano with a slight frown before turning back to Auguste. What was he even doing here? Last he'd heard, Auguste was in Juilliard. He motioned to the piano with his bow, surprised by the warm smile he received. 

He watched Auguste get settled, wondering if he was pretending not to know who Ugetsu was, or if he didn't care. "Are you a student here?" 

"I am in an exchange program. I want to study in as many countries as I can." Auguste rolled his shoulders and flexed his arms before wiggling his fingers. "Especially if I can get in where famous musicians are studying," he added with a wink. 

Ugetsu ignored the flutter of warmth in his stomach, both from the wink and the recognition. It was always nice, being praised. "So the talented Auguste Bisset does know me. I'm honored," he said, surprised how easily the teasing slipped out past his foul mood. 

"Oh… You recognized me?" Auguste's smile was small and shy and not at all like the brash teenager Ugetsu remembered. 

Ugetsu laughed softly. "Of course. You're the only person who's ever made a challenge sound like a death threat." 

" _ Merde _ ." Auguste's brown skin flushed all the way to his ears. "I cannot believe you remember that. I'm sorry." He stood quickly, the bench skipping against the wood floor with the movement. He proceeded to dip into a bow so low Ugetsu suffered a moment of secondhand embarrassment. "I was a stupid kid and didn't know what else to say to my idol. I am so, so sorry." 

_ Idol? _ " It's fine, it's fine," Ugetsu replied, fighting back a laugh. "I thought it was cute."

Auguste looked up in surprise. "What? Really?" 

Ugetsu shrugged. "Sure. It definitely stuck with me." Most people said he intimidated them during performances, and only a rare few ever approached him during a competition. "I didn't know who the hell you were, but after I heard you play… I knew you might actually keep your word." 

He hadn't really paid much attention to other musicians when he was younger, only concerned with proving himself and living his dream. But after Auguste's words, he'd started watching for other up-and-coming musicians. Listening to them. Noting their techniques and level of talent. 

If someone was going to surpass him, he'd be damned if he didn't see it coming. 

Auguste stared at him, mouth slightly open in a small "o" shape. 

Ugetsu waved his bow in front of Auguste's face with a faint smirk. "Were you going to play?" 

"Oh." Auguste blinked and looked down at the piano. "I need to practice, yes." 

"You're doing a small tour this year, right?" Ugetsu moved to his violin case and set his violin and bow inside. He flexed his fingers, pressing on his hands to stretch his wrists out. When he turned back, Auguste was watching him with a frown. 

"Yes." He looked between Ugetsu and his violin. "Are you done for the day?" 

Ugetsu stretched his arms behind his head, sighing in satisfaction when his shoulder popped. "Yeah." He wasn't getting anywhere anyway, though he did feel a little lighter now. 

Auguste retook his seat. "If you want to continue, it will not bother me," he said, turning his attention to the keys and running through his own warmup. 

Ugetsu had every intention of leaving. Maybe finding some breakfast, or grabbing a coffee from the café. If he couldn't get out of this slump by playing, he'd have to try something else. Maybe he'd text Mafuyu and see if he had plans later. Just because he couldn't make music himself at the moment didn't mean he couldn't help someone else make theirs. 

He'd just finished securing his violin and started zipping up the case when Auguste started into a song. A novice mistake. Didn't he know the importance of a proper warmup? 

But as Auguste played and settled into the song, the music changed. Deepened. And Ugetsu found himself frozen. 

The music was quiet. Mellow. Unassuming. And it was filled with a loneliness that somehow brought Akihiko and Mafuyu to mind. A loneliness that came from being invisible. From a fear of being forgotten or left behind. 

It made his fingers itch to play. 

The music was written to allow for another instrument and he desperately wanted to fill it with his violin. 

He stood still, closing his eyes as he listened. Let the music resonate within him, calling to the loneliness dwelling inside him. 

Auguste was good. He'd improved since the last time Ugetsu heard him, in a single he'd released a couple years ago. Maybe he'd finally found his trigger after all. 

He didn't recognize the score and he wondered if it was original. If it would be part of Auguste's tour, and who would be playing with him if it was. 

He was moving before he could think better of it and pulled his violin back out. He wasn't sure he would be able to play even now, but the music was calling to him in a way it hadn't done in days. 

With a breath, he tested the chords of _ tasteful porn _ , pleased when they came out teasing and sultry. 

Auguste stopped playing, the piano notes lingering as he laughed. 

Ugetsu glanced at him with a grin. "I thought you said it wouldn't bother you." 

"I was not expecting you to play something new." 

He raised an eyebrow, wondering how long Auguste had been listening before Ugetsu noticed him. "That's something a novice would say," he replied lightly. He didn't wait for a response before giving voice to the notes Auguste's song inspired. 

He poured out his own loneliness, stemmed from his inability to grow too close to others because his only priority in life was music. 

The piano joined a minute later, threading around and through the violin.

The music was disjointed and disharmonious, but after a few minutes they found their shared rhythm. And then they found how the music meshed well enough that Ugetsu lost himself in the pure bliss of creation without worrying about actually composing. Or having to follow someone else's footsteps. 

The only path was set by the tone of the piano, and he forged his own path beside it, winding back and forth across it. 

He let his emotions drive his bow, metaphysically vomiting them all over the music. 

He could take a dozen lovers, or hear a hundred confessions, but none of it would ever mean anything in the end. Music was both his master and his mistress, and there was little room for a third. No one in their right mind would accept coming second. No one should ever have to accept the fact that if it came down to him choosing between his partner or his music, the answer would always, unhesitatingly, remain the same. 

His worst nightmare had always been looking to the future, Akihiko still clinging to his side, and having to choose between music or spending Akihiko's last moments with him. 

He'd known it would break him, if it ever came to that. That it would be a trigger he wasn't sure he'd recover from. 

As much as breaking up hurt now, it couldn’t compare to what could have been.

When they finally stopped playing, the notes lingering in the silence between their breaths, Ugetsu’s chest felt like it would burst. But he at least felt lighter than he had in months. He glanced at Auguste to see him with a grin, small and fierce, and somehow fitting to the music. 

“You are as amazing as ever. I’ve never met anyone else who could play like that.” Auguste stretched his arms over his head and flexed his fingers. “That was fun.”

“It was.” The most fun he’d had in awhile, despite the theme. 

“Play another?”

Ugetsu hesitated, glancing at the clock. He had class in an hour, and he really needed to eat something, or he’d be starving until dinner. “Maybe another time,” he said, packing up his violin again. He tore off the corner of his sheet music and scribbled his number on it, enjoying the dumbfounded look on Auguste’s face. 

He winked and grabbed his case. “ _ Ciao. _ ” 


	3. Chapter 3

Ugetsu wasn’t terribly surprised when he didn’t get a text that day or night, but it didn’t stop him from going to the same music room the next morning. 

Sleeping in an empty bed had dampened his good mood, but he’d ride the high meeting Auguste offered as long as it lasted. He was far too practical to feel guilt over enjoying himself. (Half-truth. Part of him was relieved his practices hadn’t been disrupted more than they already had been. The other part was just petty enough to be satisfied he’d found someone to distract himself with, since Akihiko already had Haruki.)

He set his violin down and went through his warm up motions, relieved when his thoughts settled and he was able to connect to the music from the start. He played through his performance pieces twice before accepting the fact Auguste wouldn’t be showing up today. Maybe they should have agreed on when to meet up again, but he’d wanted to look cool and had hoped Auguste would text.

He had only one class that morning, and the rest of the day free until Mafuyu was due to come over. He ordered groceries on his way home, thankful he lived in the modern era and could have them delivered. He was fairly certain Akihiko had physically gone shopping for them, but that was far too troublesome. Cooking was bad enough, but he could at least handle a simple ramen that required nothing more than tossing ingredients into a pot and timing them. 

He spent the rest of the morning and afternoon studying and practicing. The ramen was just about done when Mafuyu arrived, and he let him in with a grin. “You like ramen?” he asked, hurrying back down the stairs.

“You can cook?” Mafuyu asked.

Ugetsu glanced up with an offended glare. “Watch it, chibi.”

Mafuyu set his guitar aside and sat between the table and the bed. 

“How’s the new song coming?” Ugetsu asked. He dished out two bowls and grabbed a couple bottles of water, setting them all on the table.

“As slowly as ever,” Mafuyu replied, watching Ugetsu with an intent expression.

Ugetsu raised an eyebrow as he settled across from Mafuyu. “What? I have something on my face?”

“No... You’re just in a good mood.”   
  
“Am I?”

“You were humming.”

“Was I?” He hadn’t realised, but the melody from yesterday had been stuck in his head. He’d been going over it, repeating the violin part with various alterations as he perfected it, even though it wasn’t his to perfect.

“Something happen?”

Ugetsu snorted softly and picked up his bowl. “Just ran into a colleague.” He turned his attention to the food, only then realising how long it’d been since he last ate. “So,” he said, when they’d finished, “what’s the problem with the song now?”

Mafuyu sighed, following Ugetsu to the kitchen and dumping his bowl in the sink. “I don’t know what I want to say.”

Ugetsu chuckled. “At least you’re consistent.”

“We have another contest coming up in a couple months…”

“And?”

“And what if we don’t win?”

Ugetsu finished putting away the leftovers before turning to Mafuyu. “You didn’t really think you’d win the last one, did you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when Mafuyu remained silent. “You did.” He stifled a quiet laugh. Well, that was good, he supposed. The sour taste of defeat could be a powerful motivator. He knew that well enough himself. And finally reaching the top was all the sweeter for it. “You lost to bands that have years more experience than you. You have the talent, you’ll get there soon.”

Mafuyu signed. “That’s what Haru-san says.” 

Ugetsu squashed the flare of bitter anger at the mention of Haruki and pushed away from the fridge. “Well, now you know he’s right,” he said, heading back to the table. He dropped onto the bed and sprawled out. “Show me what you have so far.” He reached for the pack of cigarettes, only to remember they were gone. He had to breathe through the fresh anger and the ache in his chest, forcing down the urge to break something.

“Should I go?” Mafuyu asked.

Ugetsu glanced over to see him watching from where he’d sat next to his guitar. He swallowed and shook his head. He didn’t want to be alone. (Half-truth.) “It’s fine. Show me what you have.” He sat up and slid to the floor, leaning back against the bed. He needed to stop smoking anyway. He’d only started because of Akihiko.

It would have been far too easy to lose himself in his own self-pity, but one of the good things about having Mafuyu around was it was easy to be distracted by him. 

Mafuyu might have been quiet, but he gave off a vibe that made him seem like he was in need of shelter. He probably was, from what little Ugetsu had learned about the kid, but Mafuyu was at least eager to learn. And he absorbed criticism and advice like a sponge. To the point Ugetsu worried he’d lose sight of his own voice at some point, but that was a lesson he’d have to work through with his bandmates. 

He’d likely be fine, considering he had Haruki as a mentor.

Ugetsu really needed a cigarette. 

By the time Mafuyu left that evening, his song had improved, and Ugetsu had helped nudge him towards the path of finding his own words for it. He could have offered actual lyrics, but better Mafuyu learn the skills of composing now instead of relying on others. Or last minute, desperate motivation.

He closed and locked the door behind Mafuyu, letting out a slow breath before moving back down the stairs. He turned on his record player, letting Bach fill the silence. He took a shower and then crawled into bed, the melody he’d played with Auguste little more than a faint whisper. 


	4. Chapter 4

The opening performance of Ugetsu's tour went well. He'd be playing in Tokyo over the weekend, and then traveling to different cities almost every weekend after for the next few months. 

He welcomed the new term and schoolwork to distract him from the emotional landslide he was currently going through. 

It was a week before he ran into Auguste again. Just long enough for the melody to have faded to a pleasant memory. 

He was almost annoyed when Auguste showed up at the music room, though mostly at himself for how eager he was to see the other male again. If he'd had a tail, it would have been wagging like a damn dog. 

"Good morning," Auguste said with a warm smile. He lingered at the door with a violin case. 

Ugetsu eyed it with a soft hum of anticipation. "Shall we have a duet today?" 

Auguste's smile broke into a grin. "Really?" 

"Sure. I was hoping you'd show up again." 

Auguste flushed, stepping into the room and setting his case next to Ugetsu's. "You were so deep in your music the past few days I didn't want to disturb you." 

Ugetsu raised an eyebrow, simultaneously pleased Auguste had been listening, and irritated at himself for not noticing. "I wouldn't have minded," he said, returning to his skills as Auguste warmed up. "What are you practicing today?" 

"Mm, I have a piece I am still composing I was wanting to work on." 

"Oh? So you're wanting to pick my brain to finish it?" he asked lightly. 

Auguste laughed. "No, no. I would never." He picked up his violin and tuned it with a quiet hum. "If you want a duet… do you know Csárdás?" 

"Of course." Ugetsu glanced at Auguste with a smirk. "Do you want to go first?" 

"Oh no, I would not dream of it." 

Ugetsu eyed Auguste a moment, sure he was being mocked, but the good humor was infectious. He tapped his bow against his leg a few times before starting off with a simple, sweet melody. He didn't quite remember how it was supposed to go, but it didn't really matter, especially without the piano at the core. 

He chuckled when Auguste butted in with a jaunty challenge, responding with a quicker, mocking version. 

Auguste rolled his eyes, taking the bait and showing off with a complicated series of chords that were both haughty and teasing. 

Their "duet" went on for several more rounds, growing progressively more outlandish. Until Ugetsu gave in to the urge to switch from friendly teasing to outright flirting. 

Auguste actually hesitated, his music shifting entirely from confident and cheeky to hesitant and shy. Doubtful. 

Excitement and anticipation surged through him, making his heart beat faster. He was torn between advancing and seducing, or coaxing Auguste out of the shell he'd retreated into. He settled for the middle ground of inviting, his music reminiscent of an admirer. 

Auguste's cheeks were pink when he played a hesitantly flirty tune back. 

Ugetsu grinned, their duet becoming a seduction and a chase as Auguste grew bolder and became a tease. 

At some point, the chase ended as the two became lovers, sharing their lives together. Playful and sweet and helplessly in love. 

By the time they called it quits, they were both laughing, and they'd drawn a small audience who broke into cheers and applause. 

* * *

It was fun, playing with Auguste. 

Liberating. 

It was similar to playing with Akihiko, but Akihiko had only ever indulged him. He knew Akihiko enjoyed playing, but his music always became tinged with longing and despair. Filled with a silent wish that Ugetsu would look at him like he looked at music. 

It always cut deep when he couldn't bring himself to admit just how much he cared. Giving Akihiko hope would have been even worse than being the asshole he was. 

And Ugetsu could never shake the quiet feeling that if he gave Akihiko that little bit of leverage, he'd have used it to somehow come between Ugetsu and music. 

But with Auguste… There was joy. Unadulterated and unfettered. Auguste's music was almost naive, but filled with challenge. 

_Watch me. Follow me. Match me, if you dare._

It was as refreshing as it was addicting. 

Ugetsu found himself in the same music room every morning he was free in the hope Auguste's schedule would match up. 

It took another week before they finally shared their schedules and worked out when to meet. 

They didn't ever get any practice done for their respective tours, but neither of them ever brought that up. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ugetsu was just getting to the music room and setting up, finishing the thermos of coffee he’d finally managed to brew right, when he heard footsteps. He turned with a grin, eager to play with Auguste again after his grueling weekend, only to find Akihiko in the doorway. “Aki,” he said, surprised and dismayed and happy all at once.

“Hey,” Akihiko replied. His hand rested on the door jam as if holding himself back. Like he was afraid to actually step into the room. 

Ugetsu waited a few moments for him to say something else before filling the silence himself. "I heard you entered another competition with violin. Think you'll place above fourth this time?" 

Akihiko's eyes widened a bit. "Ah… Yeah I might get third," he said, looking away. He took a breath. "I actually just came to let you know we have a band competition next week." 

"Mafuyu told me." 

Akihiko nodded. "Will you come?" 

Ugetsu couldn't quite keep himself from falling into the usual cadence of their conversations. "Are you at a level you can show me?" 

"Yes," Akihiko replied without hesitation. 

Ugetsu stared at him, noting the small changes he missed forming over the past months. He wasn't sure if they were more from finally breaking away from Ugetsu, or from Haruki's influence. Neither option made him particularly happy. 

"I might be able to make it." He'd already told Mafuyu he would likely be there. He tensed as Auguste appeared behind Akihiko. 

"Oh, sorry. I will come back." 

"No need," Ugetsu called. "Unless there was something else?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at Akihiko. 

Akihiko shook his head, eyeing Auguste when he stepped back. 

Auguste stood in the doorway and watched Akihiko walk away. Then he lingered, as he always did, until Ugetsu motioned him inside. "Rival?" 

With a soft snort, Ugetsu pulled out his violin. "My ex," he replied, not giving Auguste a chance to respond as he started on his skills. 

He wanted to punch Akihiko for showing up like that. They were done. There was no need to keep scraping open old wounds by seeing each other.

Maybe in time they could be friends, but that would be a long time coming. Every time he saw Akihiko, it just reminded him of what he longed for but could never have. What made it even worse was he'd been, if not _ happy _, at least content. In the beginning, anyway. 

He knew his irritation was bleeding into his music, but he didn't care. He was just relieved he could still connect to it. 

When he finally moved into playing something, he let his frustration and anger free, pouring it into an angry, frantic melody that almost hurt his ears. 

Auguste wasn't playing and made no move to join in, and that only made him angrier. 

A very small part of him wanted to break his violin over the piano, but he knew it would fade. He just needed to get it out of his system. 

Usually he'd vent into his music at home, when he'd calmed enough the violent urges passed. But this room had become a similar sort of sanctuary. One where he was free to pour out the turmoil of emotions and be met with a similar melody that reflected them. 

The silence he got in return now was grating. 

When Auguste finally lifted his bow, it was to play a single, keening note. Like a scream. 

It was enough to startle Ugetsu, but after years of practice at continuing no matter what, he didn’t stop playing. He did slow the frantic pace at least. His arm was already protesting starting off with something so intense. 

When Auguste started to play, it was quiet. A gentle rhythm that said _ shhh, shhh. Breathe now. _

Ugetsu snarled internally. He didn’t want to calm down. He wanted to yell at Akihiko. To punish him as much as he wanted to punish himself. To blame Akihiko for clinging to him for so long, while silently pleading for it to be enough himself. For Akihiko finally just letting go.

He hated this. He hated _ feeling. _Sometimes he envied Mafuyu and his dulled emotions, but he knew that was part of the reason Mafuyu had such a hard time with his songs. 

Music was driven by emotions. Gave voice to them. Invoked them in others. 

Until Mafuyu found a trigger that let him experience the full range of emotions again, he’d continued to struggle. 

Ugetsu wasn’t sure which side of that coin was more of a curse.

When Auguste merely continued the slow rhythm, Ugetsu responded with a keening note of his own. Deeper and resonating with helplessness. 

Auguste didn’t falter. _ Shhh, shhh, breathe. Shhh, shhh, it’ll be okay. _

_ Fuck you, _he played black, glancing at Auguste in defiance.

Auguste chuckled and deepened the melody. _ Lash out all you want, I’m not leaving. _

Ugetsu finally stopped playing, breathing harder than he should have been. He wanted to punch Auguste just to prove a point, but the anger was already fading, leaving him exhausted.

Auguste slowed and let his notes fade, lowering his instrument as he studied Ugetsu. “I don’t know how you played like that without changing your expression.”

“Practice,” he replied, turning and setting his violin in its case.

“Are you alright?”

Ugetsu closed his eyes with a sigh. “I will be,” he answered quietly, the next words escaping before he could think better of it. “How about dinner tonight?” (Bad idea.) He was manipulating his own feelings just to keep a stable connection to music, but if it worked, it worked. At this point, he couldn’t deny Auguste was a renewable source of inspiration. He could question his shitty life choices later.

He glanced at Auguste in time to see him blink, a flush blooming across his nose.

“Sure, but I... I don’t date.”

Ugetsu grinned and picked up his phone. “Neither do I.” (Not exactly a lie.) Dating implied there was room for feelings to develop. He’d only made the mistake of letting that happen once. He texted Auguste his address as he added, “I’ll make dinner. What would you like?”

“Anything is fine.”

“My culinary arts expertise stops at scrambled eggs, pasta, and ramen.”

Auguste laughed. “You are not a genius in the kitchen as well?”

“My spaghetti is a work of art.”

“Spaghetti is fine. Though this is starting to feel like a date.”

Ugetsu winked as he packed up. “You can have a date without dating,” he said, enjoying the fresh burst of color across Auguste’s nose as he turned to leave.


End file.
